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Grand Rapids, MI

​Hi.  I'm Mike Dokter.  I've ridden the coat tails of others.  I hang out with people who are much more talented and much smarter than I am.  I consistently work to learn as much as I can from these people so I can help others along their journey as well.  

Don't be Fussy, It's Annoying... (Edited 2/9/14)

What I think...

Don't be Fussy, It's Annoying... (Edited 2/9/14)

Mike Dokter

I don’t pretend to be the best at relationships.  In fact, one could argue that I am among the worst at relationships considering a failed marriage is in my back pocket.  Although that’s a rough card to carry around and occasionally awkward to explain to people, it has helped me realize what not to do in a relationship that you actually want to work.  Now, my beautiful, brilliant, loving girlfriend may argue that point since, like everyone, we still have our disagreements.  I came across an article on the topic in the Huffington Post and I think it’s brilliant.

The article, aptly named: If I Can’t Accept You at Your Worst, Then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible, is hilarious and insightful.  If you haven’t already read it, I’d encourage you to take 10 minutes.  In summery, the article makes the point that people don’t know how to be in relationships anymore.  The author uses some great examples to reinforce his thesis and I think there are some really productive things we can take away from thinking through that statement. 

First, we need to understand that we are all going to make mistakes.  Nobody’s perfect.  No one ever will be.  Only one guy attained it and people killed him for it.  That isn’t an excuse to be an asshole, it’s an opportunity to better understand ourselves and others.  If we can agree that no one is perfect, then it puts us all on a level playing field to interact with each other. 

Second, we need to understand that we are going to fail and failure is ok.  It’s how we learn.  Don’t dwell on it.  Learn from it and move on.  I promise you that no one has ever accomplished anything by dwelling on their failures.  The worst thing that anyone can do is to pretend that failure doesn’t exist.  Failure motivates and teaches us how to be better.  Never take it for granted.

Finally, there never ever any reason to be a fussy bitch.  If we can agree that no one is perfect and that failure is a part of life and relationships then it’s reasonable to believe that if one is acting like a fussy bitch, one is intentionally attempting to manipulate the other.  That, or they are being vindictive.  Don’t be fussy. It’s annoying.  If someone is causing your blood pressure to rise, understand that there is a very good chance the reason they are upset has nothing to do with you.  Don’t be threatened.  Understand the problem, look for solutions, and work together to get shit done.

Ok, rant over.  Take a look at the article though.  It’s worth the read.

 

Edited 2/9/14...

Ok so this is important.  I want to make it very clear that the only person this blog is about is me.  In fact, the entire reason I write is to keep myself accountable.  I've had a variety of comments and apologies directed to me personally that are completely unnecessary.  I wrote this because I believe it is important for us to understand that when everything else falls away, our relationships with others are what can get us through life's most difficult trials.  Because of that, it is important to understand how to have productive, meaningful relationships with our friends, significant others, and business associates.  This blog is about life and relationships in general.  It is not about one specific person or situation.